mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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