I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
