He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
