Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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