Barsexuality is the new black.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
