Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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