i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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