the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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