i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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