Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
