38 yer olds are good kisserssss
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Randomize
