I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
