my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
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Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
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I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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