I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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