Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
