Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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