recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
