They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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