Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
