my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
