I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
