i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
