he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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