Pregnant stripper...not hot.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
