I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
