the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
