stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
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