You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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