if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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