Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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