you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
