I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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