Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize