I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
This toilet bowl is my home.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
