i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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