so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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