You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
So. Much. Porn.
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