im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
