Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
