We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
