Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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