apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Houston, we have a blender
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
