Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
