I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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