the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
