It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
