I just made out with a guy for $7.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
