kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
