Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
