My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Can I color on your dick again?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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