you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Randomize
