Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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