I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
