Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
