If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
