I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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