omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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