It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
