He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Randomize
