get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Drunk is a universal language darling
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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