You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
