Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
