How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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