My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
