put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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