we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
