I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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