I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
