Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize
