I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
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