and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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