We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Can I color on your dick again?
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
