Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
