Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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