I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
