I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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