Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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