Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
